Holy, Holy Night
by Erebos Brando
Summary: Christmas: A time for our deepest wishes to come forth, but fewer things are harder to hold than a wish you do not believe can come true.


Author's Notes: As much as a heart-wrenching (and amazing) scene the original made, it's easy to wonder what would have happened had Ryuuji heard Taiga calling his name. Here's my input on that question.

I'm hardly the first to address this idea, and actually, if you're interested in another interpretation check out And it happened on a Christmas night by DragonRyuuji. The key difference between this fic and that one is that this one is just a simple one-shot. I know it's kinda long, but I actually did try and trim it down.

Seriously, I can really go on a bit, ask any fan of my fan works of other franchises. (I assume at least one exists...assuming I haven't bored them to death already.)

Quick note on dialogue:

"Text with speech marks": Speech

"_With speech marks in italic"_: Thought

Enjoy!

Update: November 29th 2012.

I took a swing at fixing the grammar errors. I tried, but not sure I got 'em all. For me grammar errors are kinda like weeds. Also fixed a few other minor things too.

I'll continue fixing mistakes as I become aware of them.

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"RYUUJIIIIII!"

Taiga's screams sounded out in every direction, filling the street, rising to the sky itself. The countless stars lining and illuminating the darkness above were her only witness, and not one of them gave her answer. She continued to utter the name she had screamed, but soon weeping overpowered her. She fell to her knees, still repeating herself.

She was alone, she was going to be all alone again. She'd have no-one to show her that kindness, no one to rely on, no one who would always be there. No one watching over her. No one in this world who could understand her. She'd lost the only one who had. Now there was no-one, no one to say...

No one to say-"Taiga." She felt a sudden warmth embrace her. "It's okay, I'm here."

"R-Ryuuji?" She wasn't sure if she should believe it. There's no way he could be here-

"Yeah." He was, he was here! She closed her eyes, her mind repeating it over and over again 'he's here, he's here, he's here'. So was so happy, he'd actually come back, he'd come back for her! She hugged him back, his name still repeated on her breath as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He only whispered softly into her ears, "It's okay, Taiga. It's okay."

It was.

It was all okay. He was here, he was by her side, and she by his. She hugged tighter, needing to be as close as possible, but trying not to hurt him in the process. She was even happier now than when he'd first come to see her that night, because this time he'd come _back_. He'd cared enough to come back when he heard her. He'd come running back just for her. "Ryuuji...Ryuuji..."

He'd actually chosen to come comfort her over-her eyes snapped open. If he was here, then he wasn't with Minori. He'd missed the opportunity she'd worked so hard to set up!

That-"Idiot!"

Her knee shot up, aiming for wherever it managed to hit. Ryuuji was knocked back, Taiga releasing him as he fell backwards, a knee to the stomach just too much for him. Taiga didn't waste any time before; "What about Minorin!? You idiot! She's waiting for you!"

He took a few seconds to let the pain subside, before he looked Taiga in the eye, his look far more serious than that she was used to. "There'll be other chances. I'm not leaving you now. Don't try making me."

It was rare she saw a look that determined in his eye, and she knew she was not going to be able to change his mind. She turned away. "Stupid dog..."

Ryuuji smiled, well if she was calling him dog then not all was bad. He stood up. She stood up with him, and she found the head of the Santa outfit forced into her hands. Before she could inquire the reason she found herself literally swept off her feet.

"Mongrel, what are you-!"

"You'd rather walk without shoes? Come on." He walled, his gaze straight ahead as he strolled through the night, a now flushed Taiga in his arms. She was thankful he wasn't looking at her. Quickly they came to the door of the Tasaku household. To Taiga's dismay, Ryuuji was forced to put her down to collect then insert his key, and both entered. Ryuuji moved quickly to his room. "I'll back in a minute, I just need to get out of this outfit."

She considered running, for a moment. She considered running back to her apartment and locking the door, but if she did that she'd have Ryuuji banging her window or door all night trying to get her attention, and while on most days she could probably ignore him if need be...not tonight. She walked into the living room, sitting at the table, working franticly to try and come up with answers, excuses, _lies_ for the questions that were bound to come. From his cage Inko-chan watched, silently, save for the brief moments he would dig into his food.

Ryuuji's door suddenly opened, and he emerged in attire far more humane, that Santa outfit must have been stuffy beyond belief. Taiga smiled, he'd really put himself out for her, even risking a shot to tell Minori-

She swallowed a lump. She'd wrecked the opportunity _she_ had set up. Oh damn, "Why didn't you go the party?"

He shrugged. "I was on my way, but I didn't get too far, do you know how hard it is to run in that thing? Then I heard you..."

"But Minorin! She's waiting for you! She's-" Ryuuji shook his head and she found herself unable to continue speaking.

"I told you, I am not leaving you again tonight. But I guess we'll need a good reason why I wasn't there. Hmm..." Ten seconds of mental labour bore: "Right, I got it! We tell Kushieda about me dressing up like Santa, but we also say when you saw me you thought I was an intruder and knocked me out with your wooden sword, and you couldn't wake me up."

She was a bit too focused on the story itself to be impressed with Ryuuji's sheer ability to pull lies out of nowhere. Had she thought about it she'd have concluded spending time with her had forced him to practice. "You think that'll work?"

He nodded. "Anyone who's ever been hit by you would buy it." There was a brief silence before, "I would." Taiga only nodded at that. Ryuuji looked closely at her. _"She's not meeting my eyes. I doubt she even wants to be here, but why was she calling for me like that? Maybe she really didn't want to be alone? But to scream like that..."_ He suddenly blinked. _"Hmm...does she ever have company on Christmas?"_

He'd never know if he didn't ask. "Taiga..." Now she looked at him, but she still averted his eyes. He would accept this, for now anyway. "You've been on your own at Christmas for a while, haven't you?" She didn't say anything, but she slowly nodded, and he knew the truth. He also knew what needed to be done. "Well not this year!" _Now_ she met his eyes, they mirroring the shock that was written on the rest of her features."I'm not having you be alone at Christmas, so you're staying here."

"Ryuuji. I cant-

"Yes you can. Forget Kushedia and everything else for now. Just stick to the story when you have to, and make it air-tight. I wonder if we could fool Kitamura..." He grinned. "There! If you can actually fool Kitamura we'll call it even." Taiga seemed to be a little more shocked now, but Ryuuji just smiled. "Whatever you want, just ask. I figure I've already dressed like Santa, so I'll play the part." He was in thought for a moment before he suddenly bowed. "Your wishes shall be my commands." He quickly took his previous pose, and smiled. "Consider it my gift to you, okay?" Taiga only nodded slightly, still too shocked to give a broader response, Ryuuji couldn't help but wonder why she was as shocked as she was, but since he couldn't see into Taiga's mind he guessed he would never know.

"_Kitamura..."_ It seemed like forever since she'd thought about him. Actually, he seemed so small a matter in her life now. He wasn't the only one, so much that had seemed so important just a short while ago was crumbling into insignificance, being replaced by who was before her. She didn't know what she should say, or do, she wasn't sure how to express herself right now.

She didn't have to. She had a certain organ capable of doing it for her, and it quickly commanded the attention of both herself and Ryuuji as it cried out for its needs to be met.

"T-Taiga?"

"...hungry."

He smiled. "I think we've got some left over Pork Cutlet. I could probably whip up something good with whatever else I can find." He turned, leaving Taiga and the silent Inko-chan alone as he strolled to the kitchen.

Intently, Taiga watched him work, paying more attention to him now than she ever had before, the almost graceful way he moved across the kitchen, grabbing random food items and tools while scarcely looking at them. Taiga found herself confident in the assumption that Ryuuji could have cooked blindfolded if need be. She couldn't but feel a little saddened in herself as she looked at him. Ryuuji was not too different from herself, really. Both had been tasked with the responsibility of taking care of themselves in their households, if for different reasons. Ryuuji had learned everything necessary to survive, he cooked (really well at that), he cleaned and maintained the household physically, if not financially. Taiga on the other hand had not bothered to learn to do anything, she'd let her apartment become full of dust to the point it affected her health, lived on junk food until she'd grown sick of it and passed out from hunger. She had let her life become such a physical and emotion mess that one of the few things she did right was getting herself properly dressed. Ryuuji had done far more than just spend time with her, support her in her endeavours, feed her and clean for her. He'd done far more than be kind. No, these were all mere parts of the one singular thing he had done.

He'd taken care of her, and she...

She'd later come to wonder just when _this_ had happened, but the fact was it did...and it was all so wrong, and what was worse is that she was handling it all wrong. Maybe if she'd had more time, even some time just to ready herself, to protect herself. Yet, Ryuuji had heard her cries, and now she couldn't stop this..._"I'm sorry Minorin. But I can't..."_ She lightly clenched her hands against the fabric of her dress. _"I need him. Please forgive me but I need him, just for a while..."_

She'd have to spend tonight with him, and tomorrow too at least. She'd savour every single second she could have with him. She'd permeate every the memory of this place, this _home_, into her being. The matted floor she sat on. The furniture. The traditional Japanese-style doors. The paper cherry blossom petal...that would-be love letter that covered the hole she'd put through his door when she'd first came here.

She'd remember those who lived here.

Ya-chan, that wonderful kind woman. Who she honestly felt more comfortable around than she had around her own mom in quite a while. She'd have to try and get her alone sometime in the next few days. She wanted to get to know her better if she could, because she hadn't spent nearly as much time as now, she realized she had wanted to spend with someone who had already as good as said she considered Taiga a daughter. In an ideal reality, she'd loved to have one day been able to call her "mom".

Inko-chan. That ugly little yellow and green parakeet. That fat, possibly-demented little bird. She'd even miss him. His attempts at saying his own name were at the very least a little interesting. She wondered if he was ever going to succeed in his efforts. She hoped so, it would make Ryuuji happy.

"_Ryuuji..."_

She was going to memorize every possible thing about him she could find to remember. She wanted to know everything, more than she already did, and she'd strived to find out so little before now. That would change, she'd watch like a predatory beast, examining everything she could. She wanted to know everything now, so she would always remember everything, everything that was Ryuuji. _Her_ Ryuuji.

Then...then they'd have to part.

Ryuuji prepared to crack an egg when he heard a loud sniff. He turned to his left "What have I told you about coming to smell the food while I'm-huh?" He heard another. He turned to his right. "Eh?" He turned around, expecting to find Taiga just behind him. He was looking down based on that assumption but she wasn't there. "What the-?" He raised his head to the sound of-"Taiga..."

Her head was bowed, so he could not see her eyes, and from his vantage point he couldn't make out her expression too well. He didn't need to.

He saw her tears.

He didn't plan it, he didn't even have control of his body anymore, he just walked away from the kitchen, ignoring the various sounds that would erupt into problems if left too long as he made his towards the crying Taiga. He took to his knees besides her, and gently lay his hands on her shoulders. "Taiga."

She didn't open her eyes, she just tried to ignore it, ignore everything. It wasn't supposed to be like this. She wasn't meant to be here, vulnerable, wanting, and with Ryuuji so close to her. She was supposed to be in her apartment, crying out her weakness and building her strength, fortifying her resolve, building new walls, coming to terms with her place in this triangle that composed herself, her best friend and Ryuuji, so she could do...do the right thing.

Instead he'd caught her before she could prepare herself, all because he didn't move fast enough. She clenched her fists. "W-why didn't you run faster?" She bashed the bases of them both against his chest, her sadness-driven rage preventing her from delivering little more than thuds. Ryuuji gasped, her eyes had opened..."You should have run faster, you stupid dog!" She continued hitting, faster and faster, but not harder. "Stupid, stupid, stupid!" She couldn't see, could barely think, all she knew to do was to take her feelings out on _something_, and Ryuuji by her own warped logic, was the perfect choice. This was all _his_ fault."Stupid, stupid dog! Stupid!" She pulled back her hand, before throwing her fist at a slightly higher target. "STUPID!"

It never reached, with surprise Taiga realized she had been stopped. Ryuuji had grabbed her wrist mid-strike. Her vision cleared for a moment, and she wished it hadn't. His eyes, she was causing him pain, seeing her like this was hurting him, he shouldn't have seen her like this. She closed her eyes and turned away.

Ryuuji pulled on both her wrist and shoulder, and pulled Taiga's smaller form to him with ease. She didn't attempt to stop him, but he sealed her in a hug before she could anyway.

She wanted to _want_ to break free, but she just couldn't. This was just too nice. All she could do was return his embrace. She wrapped her smaller arms around him, letting herself simply enjoy this as she rested herself against him. The tears still came for a while, but she let nothing else escape her. Ryuuji said nothing, he didn't need to. Soon even the tears stopped, but neither let go, neither really wanted to.

Taiga sighed against him. _"What will I do..."_ She opened her eyes. _"Without you?"_

She knew she was going to regret this night, and the day to come tomorrow. Yes, she'd enjoy the time she had, but like an addict she was going to crash, and crash hard when this was all over. Time here would just make her rise higher before her fall. She'd regret all the things that, in the end, she just wasn't going to be able to say. She'd never get to express the deepest depths of her gratitude, she'd never get to say just one thing. All she could do was enjoy this moment, and any like it that would come, until the time came no moment like this could ever be again. Perhaps the worst part of all this, was that she'd never get to tell him what he'd become to her.

The serene moment was eventually breezed away by the sudden intrusion of another voice. "I-I-I..." Both Taiga and Ryuuji turned to the source of the voice. "In-in-in!" Inko-chan was attempting to utter something, to Ryuuji's delight.

"Oh! Come on, Inko-chan!"

Keeping herself pressed against Ryuuji, Taiga turned to watch Inko-chan's latest attempt, with actual interest.

"I-i-i-in-in-in"

She silently pleaded for Inko-chan to just say it...just his own name so she could have this memorable moment with Ryuuji. This was something Ryuuji had been waiting for, and she wanted to share it with him. It was such a small thing, and probably it was rather silly. She didn't care, she wanted to have one thing that was a first with Ryuuji, one thing that...that Ryuuji would always associate with her. So that whenever he thought of this day, this moment, this event...

He'd think of her too.

"In-in-in-in-innnn."

Taiga subconsciously gripped tighter._"Come on, ugly bird."_

By now Inko-chan was perched on one foot, his head thrashed left and right as he continued to speak the first syllable of his name. His head moved faster and faster, faster and faster still. "Innnnnnnnnn-!"

He stopped.

"Indispensable."

Indispensable...well that summed up Ryuuji alright. Inko-chan may not have said what she and Ryuuji had wanted, but at least he had said what she would not. She noticed that Inko-chan was looking directly at her...she wondered for a second if that look was intended to be meaningful. After that chicken incident, she couldn't be sure just how intelligent Inko-chan really was. Those half-crazed eyes darted between both of them, Inko-chan repeating himself several times before Ryuuji lost patience, "We get the point, Inko-chan!"

Taiga did. She smiled. _"Stupid bird."_ Alas, she was going to have to disregard the truth of that word. She released her arms from Ryuuji, gently pulling herself back from him. He let go, and they found themselves eye to eye again. She was still smiling, Ryuuji smiled too. He placed her on the floor before he stood up, returning to the kitchen to continue his craft. She continued to watch him, and quickly he had two plates of food laid down on the table.

"Itadakimasu."

They ate in silence, even Inko-chan did not make a peep. The only sounds were the various clinks of plates, the claps of chopsticks, and chewing. The emotional moments that had passed thus far seemed forgotten, almost. The traces of it were subtle, seen only when their eyes would cross. Each would flush slightly, the very last moment still potent in their minds, and Taiga would always be the first to turn away. Ryuuji frowned, but said nothing.

Eventually the last clink sounded that their mealtime had come to an end, Ryuuji wiped away traces of it from the side of his mouth as he gazed across at Taiga, she'd finished before him, and was now sitting quietly. He stood up, picking up his dishes before walking over to Taiga.

Taiga couldn't help but feel a little guilty right now. Ryuuji had, though with various complaints and grumbling, been nothing but good to her. On occasion he'd made mistakes, but his intentions were always with her best interest at heart. How had she repaid him? By kicking, punching, and calling him a mongrel (or her slave). While it was true that their friendship was far different from anything typical, he deserved at the very least a little something out of it all. What could she do? How could she show how much their time together had meant? If there was only a way she could-

Ryuuji reached down for Taiga's used dishes and cutlery.

"Thank you, Ryuuji."

His hand stopped just as he grasped her plate, if he had not been paying attention he'd have doubted his ears. He turned to her, and she looked up just in time. He caught it, something in her eyes which told him there was more to those words than 'thanks for the food'. He smiled. "Your welcome." He walked off to the kitchen, dumping the various wares into the sink. He glanced at them for a few seconds, before his eyes turned to gaze behind him and he turned away.

He returned to find Taiga in a better mood than just a moment before, she was yawning. "I'm sleepy."

"Well it is kinda late, and it's been quite a night."

Taiga swiftly and briefly nodded. Though likely not his intention, his words had reminded her of one event that stuck out distinctly against the rest of the night that came to mind. She stood up. "I-I'll head back home now-"

"No." Her shocked gaze met his, translating to his gaze to mean 'don't ask questions'. "I meant what I said. You're staying here. I'm not letting you be alone on Christmas." He pointed to his own room. "My Futon's already laid out, take it. I'll sleep in here." She opened her mouth to speak, and Ryuuji had to think fast. "Please, Taiga. It'd make Yasuko happy."

Just as he'd hoped, that had done it. Taiga nodded, and walked towards his door and opened it. Ryuuji followed, watching as she settled into his Futon _"I'd have let her go back for Pyjamas..."_ She quickly settled, pulling the blanket over herself before she turned away.

"There. I'm in your Futon, in your room, in your home. Happy?" She didn't wait for a response. "Night, Ryuuji."

"Goodnight, Taiga." He closed the door with a smile. He walked away, guess it was time to clean up.

He started his brief 'battle' with the dishes by running fresh hot water and adding soap, his mind running through the most recent events of this night quickly. _"First screaming for me, now a 'thank you'. What's going on with her?" _He couldn't shake a bad feeling he had, Taiga's new mood was bad enough, but as he shifted a now clean plate out of the sink he couldn't help but wonder _"Why thank me..."_ He remembered the look in her eyes. _"Like that?"_ He sighed, she wasn't gong to tell him unless she saw fit, which meant he'd probably never get the details. He shifted his attention to the next plate...

The second he'd gone Taiga permitted her façade to fade. She kept listening for a moment, before hearing his arriving in his kitchen. She'd definitely be left alone, now. So this was Ryuuji's room, and what it was like to sleep in it. She smiled, like the rest of his home, it was cozy. It was so different from her own room, where the only feature was her bed. Her entire apartment, she realized, for being so high-class, was so barren. It lacked the markings of it being _lived_ in, not like this place. Here the lives of its residents were etched into the very building. Belongings, furniture arrangements, the various little touches that declared this place was a _home_, and it spoke of those who lived there. Her apartment said so much less than that. She had added nearly no personal touches to it, her bed being the only unique thing, contrasting against the dull colors that lined the rest of the apartment. Being here she realized, she'd been very lonely in that place on her own...

She was going to be.

She shook her head, she'd worry about this later. She just shifted her head against the pillow, making herself comfortable when she sudden noticed something. She took an experimental whiff at the air, before putting her nose to the pillow, finding the source.

She knew what it was. _"Ryuuji..."_

So this was Ryuuji's scent. She smiled, she could really get used to this. She nuzzled into the pillow, inhaling deeply as she shifted repeatedly under the blanket. The blanket felt wonderful against any exposed skin it came across. Maybe it was where she was, maybe it was because who slept in this futon, but she already preferred it here to her own bed. She stopped her shifting, but still continued to nuzzle into the pillow. Hugging him had been the best, being here was the best, and now she had this. Ryuuji was wonderful.

Minori was so lucky.

She stopped, and sighed. This wasn't her pleasure to enjoy. Since that was the case, she suddenly really didn't want to be here anymore. She looked to the drawn curtain, beyond that was the veranda, and beyond that was her apartment, her room. She never did lock that window, all she needed was something long enough to touch the window and she could open it. She just needed something like-oh.

She'd hit a snag.

Knowing Ryuuji, and she did, anything she could use to reach her window would be exactly where it was _supposed_ to be. His obsession with keeping everything clean an orderly...never would she have guessed it'd come back to bite her. With a muttered curse she realized...she was going to have to clean (and cook) for herself from now on. This was _not_ her night. _"Merry Christmas to me..." _She sighed.

It wasn't fair.

Taiga would never consider herself any kind stereotypical outcast. She was different from most yes, but she was never the kind to whine and moan 'I wish they would just accept me'. No, she was better than that. She'd be lying however if she said she didn't want to belong somewhere, with someone, but she'd long ago accepted that may have been a nigh-impossible endeavour...

Then she met Ryuuji, and in very short order she found a home that all but took her in, a family that accepted and wanted her, people with whom she felt she belonged. Above all that, she had just once, just once she finally found someone. Someone who could truly understand her. Someone she could be happy with. Yet fate saw fit, and not even for the first time in her life, to take her happiness from her. He was out of her reach, and she was going to have to watch exactly where he went...supporting him every step of the way.

This wasn't fair. What had she done to deserve all this? Had she hit a messenger of God somewhere along the line and she was just being punished? Or was she just predestined to be unhappy all her life?

She suddenly clenched her fists against the blanket. She kept it down, the sadness inside, the only escape it found was past her eyes, but she fought everything else down. The pressure building inside, the urge to weep again, but she wouldn't, she wouldn't. She couldn't, no matter how it built inside. She just had to force it down, bury it under the rest of the crap in her life, just keep it forced down, never let it-

It escaped. Just one, brief sob, but still it had escaped. She immediately clapped her hand over her mouth, hoping that Ryuuji hadn't heard. If he didn't, then she could quickly compose herself and get this night and tomorrow over with (as much as she despised to put it that way). As long as she wasn't heard, she prayed she wasn't heard.

"Taiga?"

She'd prayed in vain. The door slid open, and despite the fact her back was facing him, she could sense every step of his approach. She opened her mouth to speak, to tell him simply to go away but her voice failed her. His hand reached her shoulder, she didn't respond.

He pulled, and she was moved onto her back. "Taiga..." He prevented himself from gasping, somehow.

She suddenly looked so small, so fragile, so vulnerable...

No. That was just how she looked most of the time to the untrained eye, though it was an illusion she could quickly dispel. Now, in this moment, she _was_ so small, so _fragile_, she was _vulnerable_. He would never face himself in the mirror again if he permitted her to stay like this. All sense went out the window as he pulled the blanket away, slipping himself under it before lying next to Taiga. She opened her mouth to protest, but Ryuuji captured her in another embrace before she could. The protests died with that. Truth was, since their first embrace (even if Ryuuji was in a Santa outfit), she'd found herself wanting to do it as much as possible, and she was infuriated at herself for it.

This was theft. She was a thief, she was _stealing_ from her _best friend_. She was taking what was rightfully Minori's. She was stealing from Ryuuji too, and that felt worse, worse because she _liked_ what she was stealing. She was stealing him from his chance to finally confess to Minori...so he could spend that time with her. So she could have him to herself, if just for a while. No, a while longer, she'd always kept him pretty much to herself. She let herself lean up against him. "_Damn..."_ This was even better than just his Futon.

Though sleep was their intention, both lay awake for a time after that. Taiga trying to bring some kind of order to her own heart, but Ryuuji's battle was in his head.

He couldn't help but think about the effort Taiga had made for him tonight, about his now lost chance with Minori. _"Kushieda..."_ He'd spared her no real thought since he'd heard Taiga calling out for him, only that necessary for the topic to be dismissed from conversation. Now, however, he found he had no choice, because his mind had put a startling possibility together.

If he had gone to meet her tonight. If he was successful, and his feelings returned...then it would likely mean that he and Taiga would grow apart. That thought hurt, quite literally. He felt a stab in his heart every time the thought came to mind. He wondered why that was, yet at the same time it seemed almost obvious. How strange it was that Taiga was the one person he seemed to have become closest to.

Between him and Taiga, there was so many little things that seemed special. Walking with her, talking with her. Having her come over, every day. Their thousand little rituals. Being here with her like this... It couldn't end...it just couldn't...

...but it would. If he was with Kushieda, then all this had to end. Or at least, it would end with Taiga. If all turned out as they'd planned, Kushieda would take her place.

"_But..."_

Would it be the same? Would it be better? He and Kushieda seemed so...different from each other.

With Kushieda, a sizeable portion of the time he just wasn't on the same page as her. He recalled a particular day, when they'd been discussing which photographs they wanted to buy of the culture festival, what was **that** about? He'd admit his ability to talk to her left something to be desired. Taiga on the other hand...when they talked, it felt natural, and it was so easy. When they were together, it was the best.

Kushieda had never even entered his home, what would her being here be like? He had no idea, he had never really imagined what it'd be like. Taiga was, well...Yasuko had put it well, Taiga was family. She just belonged here. Sitting at his table, sharing meals with him. Her not doing it now, not being here, it was not something he wished to imagine.

Then there was the biggest thing stuck out in his mind. He and Kushieda had nothing that was just 'them'. Something in their interactions with each other that seemed special, unique. Taiga and he had a thousand little things, or so it felt like. Waking her up in the mornings, eating together, the dozens upon dozens of tiny, would-be insignificant things that were the signatures of their unique bond.

Kushieda...they did not even call one another by first name. Was it that they were not comfortable enough around each other? _"Why is that? I barely knew Taiga before we started, yet I've known Kushieda at least in passing far longer..."_

Then there was tonight, and right now. Had he been asked just that very morning, he'd **never** have guessed Taiga would be the first girl he'd find himself sleeping next to. He'd be lying through his teeth if he said he didn't like this. Would he enjoy being with Kushieda like this? He _should_, he knew that much. So why was he doubting it? He looked down at Taiga, a cold feeling creeping inside him as he realized something...

If he and Kushieda were to be together, he and Taiga would never get to do this again. He smiled, in spite of himself. How funny it was, that the one person he'd feel most comfortable expressing these doubts and thoughts to was the person who set them in motion to start with, but she would not listen to him if he were to express them. He couldn't help but reflect on things between him and Taiga. Comparing now to the first day they'd met he wondered; when had they become so attached to one another?

"Heh." Taiga looked up at him, meeting his amused eyes. "It was all supposed to be so simple, wasn't it?" Her response was just a questioning look. "When we started spending time together, we had a plan. You'd get with Kitamura, me with Kushieda, and we'd go our separate ways..." He stopped when he felt something clenching at his shirt. They were building quickly, the preludes of tears in her eyes. "Taiga-"

"Ryuuji." She clenched tighter. "I have something to say...don't laugh."

From that look he doubted Taiga was going to tell him anything even resembling a joke. He smiled. "If that's a wish, alright I wont laugh."

She smiled, but the tears did not yet leave her eyes. "Ryuuji, I..." She paused, looking down for a moment. _"I'm sorry, Minorin. But I, I can't be without him." _She closed her eyes, breathing deeply before she met his eyes again, her eyes serious, even if sorrow laced them. "I want you to be happy, Ryuuji. I want you and Minorin to be happy, and I'll...I'll do my best to help see that happen. But..." She averted his gaze for a second, before she looked up at him, new determination in her eyes. "But I-...I don't want us to grow apart. No matter what happens, I want to be able to see you, to talk to you, to...have to in my life. Please don't leave me be, Ryuuji."

"Taiga..." He considered his words carefully. "Is that what...what all this has been about?" She nodded, but she averted his eyes again. "I-I..." He didn't know what to say. He knew Taiga cared, even if she wouldn't say it, but he figured her declaration of "Ryuuji is mine!" was the most he was going to get. This was just...moving. "Taiga." She met his gaze again. "Do you remember what I told you about the Tiger and the Dragon?" She only nodded. "My words haven't changed. You and I are equals, and no matter what, that wont change." He smiled. "Wish granted. We'll be together, always."

The tears were still there, but now they were made of happiness. She gripped the front of his shirt, pulling herself into his chest. "Thank you, Ryuuji!" Not even the truth could dull this moment, that once he and Minori finally started dating she'd find herself...unneeded. _"But he never needed me to start with."_ At least if nothing else, she was certain they'd never separate completely. _"I can't be dependant on him anymore. But at least...I know he'll always be here."_ A lone tear escaped her eye. _"I'll never lose him."_

Ryuuji raised his hand, lightly stroking Taiga's hair autonomously as his mind once again was in contemplation.

Kitamura and Taiga...

Truth be told, after the whole incident with Sumire it seemed like they were a pair that were just not going to form. Kitamura had found someone else. Ryuuji had never asked how Taiga really felt about it. For a while, it was as if "Taiga loves Kitamura" just seemed to become a memory, but seeing her spending time with him again, it just kinda brought the whole thing back, and he'd found himself stricken by it.

It was strange. At first it was just a detail, part of the unwritten contract the two had formed. A means to his own end. Then as time went on, it was something he'd wanted to happen, simply because it would have made Taiga happy. Now it was something he cared about the _details_ of, and he didn't..._like it_. He couldn't pin down why exactly, it wasn't like he didn't want Taiga happy, on the contrary, that was a high priority for him. He just didn't want it to be _that_ way...

"Taiga."

"Yeah?"

"I don't want us to drift apart, either." He ceased stroking, and pulled her closer to himself. "I want you by my side, always."

She gripped his shirt tighter. Damn him. Damn this stupid dog. Just as she was getting herself in order he threw this at her. Didn't this damn mongrel know what he did to her? Was doing to her? She could hit him, well she couldn't right now, maybe another time. Alright, definitely another time. For now, she was with him, she was in his arms, she was happy. If only...if only she could be honest, then she could complete this moment. If only...wait.

Ryuuji had said he would grant her wishes, and he'd done so consistently so far. She'd never, ever even dream of trying to steal him from Minori, but maybe...maybe, just for now, she could pretend. "Umm." Ryuuji suddenly felt a little itchy as her hands rapidly clenched and unclenched. "Ryuujji. I-uh." She stopped, her face was flushed, so much for keeping composure.

He simply smiled. "Another wish?"

She nodded, with vigour he'd only ever seen her display, well he'd have realized in front of Kitamura if he'd thought about it. "Ryuuji...promise..."

"Hmm?"

She stopped gripping his shirt, instead she rested her palms against him. Still averting his gaze. "Whatever I ask...promise me you'll do it."

Ryuuji was quiet for a moment, Taiga had never acted like this when asking (usually it was demanding) something of him. What could she possibly want? He was both curious and a little apprehensive, if Taiga was nervous about it, did he really want to know? Well he did say he'd grant any wish..."Look at me." She did, and he noticed her face was a bit red. "I promise. Whatever you ask, I'll do it."

She nodded, looking down again when she was done. Well at least she'd get this, no matter the outcome. She gripped and un-gripped his shirt nervously again. She gulped, her tempo of clenching her hands growing quicker. With one final, intense hold she finally looked up, and by some miracle she spoke with perfect clarity.

"Kiss me."

A sudden knee between his legs would have been far less shocking. His father showing up would have been less shocking. Kushieda suddenly proclaiming her love to him...about even maybe. He was still too shocked to respond, this was one request he'd never have expected, but why would Taiga ask this?

She gave an answer before he asked. "D-d-don't get the wrong idea!" He honestly wasn't sure _what_ idea to draw from her rapidly flushing face. "It's just I've never been kissed, and Kitamura, well..." She frowned briefly, before she gazed at him with determination far more her usual self. "It's Christmas, and it's my wish! Grant it!"

He was quiet for a few seconds before. "Is that-" He probed her gaze carefully, trying to be sure..."Is that really, what you want?"

"Yes, you stupid dog!"

He examined her closely, trying to find something, some other thing that would explain this strange request. Her determination was honest, but there was something else in her eyes he couldn't make out. Well whatever it was didn't matter. It was Christmas, plus he'd promised Taiga he'd do it. "Okay." Her determination was swept away by surprise. Ryuuji swallowed his nervousness as he prepared for what was to come.

Laying side by side, they were far closer to eye level, he'd rather not have tried this standing. He leaned in slowly, keeping his eyes open, like she did as he fulfilled her request.

They touched for only a piece of a second, his lips pressing against the full width of hers before he parted. He saw her face was flushed, and felt his was too. He averted his eyes. That was...Ryuuji was still processing if he liked that or not. Maybe if he had more time to experiment with it...

Taiga was gazing downwards, but her eyes showed she was not really looking at anything. Her face was lightly flushed, and she was smiling. She quickly gazed at him again. "One more?" He stiffly nodded, before he leaned in again. As before their eyes were open as their lips met. Then, their eyes closed. Ryuuji's body seized control of his mind, as did Taiga's. Their lips shifted, deepening their kiss for the brief instant before they parted again. Their gazes beheld only the eyes of the other as their eyes opened again.

He liked it. He knew it now, he liked this. He wanted to do this again, but did she? Would she? His heart leapt as she spoke those two wonderful words again.

"One more."

He leaned again, closing her eyes along with hers just as they met. It was beyond words, beyond anything he could have imagined. Their faces shifted, forcing themselves closer together. Ryuuji's hands abandoned her body, and he claimed the sides of her face in them, holding her to him for a few more wonderful instances of time. They parted, but only as far as it took for her to see her eyes, and she his. Their noses were still touching, he could feel her breath, he could see everything in her eyes. He saw it before she said it.

"One more..."

Her hands raised to hold his arms as he kissed her again, their kiss, themselves perfectly still as they simply stayed there. Ryuuji felt everything, the soft touch of her lips, her hands on him, her small, gentle form against his own. His lips moved against hers briefly before they parted again. Once more he was beholden to her eyes, to her breath, to her touch, to her scent, to her presence...

To her.

He leaned in and kissed again. He deepened their kiss, and their mouths opened to the other. Each nearly gasped in the kiss as they touched in a new way. Taiga's hands reached up for his face as she forced herself against him. He rolled onto his back, Taiga, and her kiss following with him. They remained there, their kiss, their moment all that they knew, all they wanted to know, all they wanted to ever know.

They eventually parted once more, a happy, dazed look on both of their faces. The complexities of emotions which had emerged from them both drowned out by the brief euphoria that entrapped them both. Taiga looked down into Ryuuji's eyes, her gaze holding tenderness unlike anything Ryuuji had seen from her before. He could not, nor did he seek to turn away. He looked up with a smile, and she down at him with the same. Her long hair had come spilling down during their moment, covering them in a golden-brown veil. The sights of each other, the smell, the _taste_, they'd never known such wonders could be possible. Taiga's face came down again, and both lost themselves in another gentle kiss. She pulled away slowly, rising so her eyes could perfectly see his. She lightly stroked his face, and he hers. Her smile widened, before her voice filled his ears once more.

"Tell me you love me."

Neither said anything for a while, her words lost before this tender moment. Ryuuji's hand had moved behind her head, and he began gently stroking her hair. He continued in silence, neither having any words, or needing any to say. He stared into her eyes deeper than he ever had before. He could gaze into them forever, and for now, he would. He would stay here, gazing into her soul, stroking her hair, he just wanted to stay like this, stay like this until-

He stopped. Wait, what did she just say? He blinked, and his loving gaze was wiped away with it, his mind slowly working through what he'd missed...

Taiga almost groaned when she felt herself no longer being petted, but as soon as Ryuuji's gaze had changed she too was tracing back through her words...

She suddenly gasped. Her eyes darted left and right. _"No, no!"_ She took in where she was, her form atop his, her hair making so perfect a prison for them both. She could still taste him-_"NO!"_ Her hands crashed into his chest as she forced herself upwards. She threw herself off him, rushing as fast as she could to her feet.

She bolted for the door.

Ryuuji still lay there, his mind was briefly a rushed, jumbled mess of half-formed, nigh-incoherent thoughts.

"_Wait! She just-"_

"_That means-"_

"_She's running-"_

"_She-"_

"_-running away!"_

"_She's running away!"_

She opened the door, and passed through it right away.

"Taiga!" He leapt to his feet, and quickly cleared the room as she had.

"_I can't do it! I can't do it!"_ She only ran, she knew where to go. She was going to get home and _barricade_ herself in if need be. She just needed to get out, she just needed to run to the-_"No!" _In her haste, as with many times she rushed things, she faltered in his endeavour. She tripped forward, hitting the floor between the table and the kitchen door. That short delay was all Ryuuji needed. Before she could get back up he'd landed on his knees beside her. She forced herself to all fours, ready to force herself to her feet but Ryuuji grabbed her hand, pulling her to face him. "No!"

She lashed out her other hand to hit him, but he swiped it out of the air. "Taiga!"

"No!" She tried to pull away. "No, no, no!" She thrashed, Ryuuji grunting against Taiga's efforts to break free.

"Taiga! Stop-" All other words were briefly knocked out of his chest as her foot collided with his stomach. "Tai...ga!" He held firm, and felt her foot being taken away. He looked up to find Taiga facing him with a look of shock greater than any he had yet seen. He let go of her, but she did not run. She sat on her knees, but kept her gaze away from his for yet another time that night. She chose to stare at the floor.

She clutched the dress at her knees. "Ryuuji-"

"Taiga." His voice was firm, but kind. She still did not look at him, but he knew she was listening. "Please. Just give me a moment, okay. I need...I need to think." She nodded. He sighed, taking a sitting position with his legs crossed.

Well this was...a mess. Yes, a mess summed it up nicely. For months, their arrangement and intention were to put the two of them together with two other people. One of which was practically officially off limits, and the other just felt like it was becoming less and less likely.

"_So where does that leave the two of us?"_ He looked across at Taiga, who's head was still bowed. She wasn't crying, but even if he were blind the sadness radiating from her would have been obvious. This night had shown him something he never, ever wanted to see again. He'd seen her when she was at her weakest before. He'd seen, on rare occasions, where her armor would break and her she would show that deep down, she had a sensitive side, but tonight was the worst he had seen. He'd never seen her this sad.

He knew he could never leave her on her own again, but to do so...

"_Taiga...loves me. But does she actually want me and Kushieda to be together?"_ He couldn't make sense of that, surely she'd prefer herself in Kushedia's place..._"Does she care about Kushedia that much? Doesn't Taiga think she's good enough?" _He was struck by a wave of guilt as he wondered, _"Or...is my happiness really that important to her?"_

"Ry-Ryuuji." She wasn't looking at him, only he at her. "I-I meant what I said. I want you and Minorin to be happy. You l-l-like her, and I know she likes you too. I...I know you two will be happy together. Please don't give up on her because of anything I say or do."

She wanted them to be together..._"I can't...I can't put her through that, she doesn't deserve that. I-I couldn't do it. Not if it meant I'd be hurting her every day. She's too important to me! She-" _He blinked. She _was_ too important...but _why_?

"_We started out as little more than enemies."_ He recalled their first meeting, ending with him on the floor. His mind ran through everything after that point quickly, important parts sticking out. Her attempt on his life. Catching her when she fell, possibly saving her life by doing it. Cheering her up after her first days with Ami. The pool incident, where she had declared that he was hers, and he finding himself...happy with that. The incident with her father...his first failure. Their united efforts to help Kitamura.

Tonight...

Her cries had shattered all thought of him going to the meeting she'd set up. He _knew_ leaving her was a bad idea, but she'd insisted. He was thankful he had heard, the thought of having not heard her, and leaving her to her sorrows chilled his blood. He'd expected only some time with her, and filling her belly would have fixed everything, it almost always had. How wrong he was...and how much had changed...

Kissing her...he touched his hand to his lips. He could still taste her, and every second they spent was still clear in his mind. Every touch, caress, every shift in the dance of their kisses. Holding her in his arms. The final moment, where she was above him gazing upon him with a loving gaze unlike any he'd believed her capable of.

Gazing up at her he finally realized...she was beautiful, and the moment, everything they had done...it was all just perfect.

Yes...so much had changed. She'd started as someone he labelled "evade at all costs", then transitioned to "necessary annoyance". Then somehow she gradually became a friend, then a close friend, and now...

Now...

He smiled to himself. So..._that's_ why he'd been shaken by Kitamura and Taiga. _"I-"_ He didn't need to think it, he already knew it, and what it meant. It had all come down to a choice. Kushedia or Taiga, Kushedia or Taiga, Kushedia or Taiga..._"Which one do I...?"_

He turned his gaze to Taiga, just as hers turned to him. Once more her found her eyes. He saw them for only a brief second, saw _her_ for only a brief second. It was then, and only then he finally knew. There was no choice to make. His heart had made it for him already. He got up, 'walking' over to Taiga on his knees. She still averted his gaze, that would just not do.

"Taiga." He placed a hand gently under her chin, raising her eyes to meet his. "Ask me, one more time."

She met his eyes, and somehow...she stopped caring about everything else. The way he looked at _her_, it made all doubt fade away. Somehow even her resolve to resist crumbled with it...and she knew it must. "Tell me..." She reached up, clutching his hand with her own. "You love me."

He removed his hand, but did so gently enough so Taiga did not let go. "Let's say it together." Her face near-instantly flushed. She nodded after a moment's hesitation. She focused only on him, clutching his hand tighter in her own. She opened her mouth, trying desperately to find her voice.

"...I."

"I."

Ryuuji raised his hands, reaching to claim the sides of her face in them. Taiga raised her other hand, to hold his second hand in her own. They both, ever so slowly, started to move closer to one another.

"Love."

They moved closer to the other. Soon all they could see, was all they wanted to see.

"You."

Both felt their hearts explode with joy, and lost themselves in the moment as once more their lips met, both slaves to the bliss as their contact deepened. Taiga's arms reached up behind Rjuuji's neck and pulled him closer, for a length of time unknown to either this was all there was, the two and this single, simple act of love. After minutes, or could it have been hours, days, weeks, months even? All they knew is that it felt almost like forever when they finally parted, smiling, once more seeing only one another as they suddenly, but so tenderly spoke in unison once more.

"I love you."

They remained there for a moment, before Taiga found herself being picked up again. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and their gazes did not part as they made their way back to his room, to his futon, to the wonderful night of rest that was to come.

Ryuui sat down again, luckily managing not to bring discomfort to her as they gently hit the floor. He released her, grabbing the blanket as he leaned back, Taiga falling with him. He wrapped his arms around Taiga when he hit the pillow. Taiga rested on her chin, looking up at Ryuuji with a look of tenderness quite new to her as he looked back with a mirrored expression just as new. Both remained like this for a while, taking in what should have been so obvious for a while, but both had missed, and had Ryuuji not heard her cries, who knows how much longer he'd have missed it for? How long before they'd have finally had a moment like this?

Yet another thing he did not wish to imagine.

Ryuuji stroked Taiga's hair gently as she leaned on the side of her face, gently sighing as she lost herself in his ministrations. He couldn't help but admire his own ability to turn the "Palmtop Tiger" into little more than a happy kitten. He turned his head to his side, letting his vision and mind wander when he caught something. He caught site of his clock, and he caught it in the brief instant as it changed.

He smiled.

12:00 AM

His body shook with a repressed laugh for a second. Taiga looked up at him again before following his eyes to find what he had. She smiled too, before both of them turned to face each other again.

"Merry Christmas."

They leaned in for just one more kiss, one last perfect moment before they both lay down for night. Ryuuji upon his futon, Taiga upon him. Taiga nuzzled into his chest, stopping when she finally found the most wonderful sound, the steady rhythm that made this all the more real. She closed her eyes, murmuring another "I love you" before she was almost completely lulled. She couldn't help by be made to smile as she spent a moment to reflect on the night's events.

She'd sung of a Christmas night full of wishes. She'd wanted a visit from Santa, but in the end she'd gotten a visit from someone even better. She'd gotten a present better than any Santa could have brought her too. Now she knew she'd never be alone again, and she'd finally found her soul mate.

"I love you too."

Her wishes had been granted.

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End

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Author's Notes: There we are, finished! My birthday gift to me! You'd think I'd get myself something practical (like writing lessons) but I've never been that practical.

Had to mention the photographs scene in ep 14, had to. It was there, I had to mention it, wasn't an option. If you're familiar with my writings (and get the reference she was making) you know why. Minori's a great character anyway, but she solidified her position as one of my all time favourite characters with that scene.

Then there was the fact she was screaming out "Ora" repeatedly just before-hand, if that was intended as a Jojo's Bizarre Adventure reference then I'm writing a formal complaint to whichever company was in charge of the anime. No character is allowed to be **that** awesome; there outghta be a law! Characters like that make all of us talentless slobs look bad!

I should start a union...problem is most talentless slobs also tend to be lazy, we'd never turn up for a meeting, and I'd never stay awake for anything that took more than a half-hour. -sigh- Screw this, I'm going to bed.


End file.
